By Maira Butt
While most religions focus on the introspective practices of faith including prayer, almsgiving, and fasting, many are surprised to learn about the central role of marriage in Islam.
According to the tradition, it is a religious duty incumbent upon its members that accounts for “half of the faith”. It is why the crisis of singlehood, which is affecting most of the rest of the world, is hitting the Muslim community particularly hard.
The faith is known for some of the most passionate romantic poetry in history. And a verse from the Quran (78:8-11), which is often quoted on wedding invitations, says: “Did we not create you in pairs, give you sleep for rest, the night as a cover, and the day for your livelihood?”
A Pew Research report in 2024 suggested Muslims appeared to be marrying older: 58 per cent between the age of 30 and 49, and 17 per cent marrying between 18 and 29. Pew also found that 5 per cent of Muslims, globally, live alone or as a couple without children, compared with 15 per cent of non-Muslim groups.
Nevertheless, young Muslims growing up in the post-Covid world of rampant social media use, which is blamed for many relationship problems, are facing new and complex challenges in finding a suitable spouse. The looming spectre of AI makes things worse.
“I think the main challenge is we’re not willing to go beyond our list of requirements,” says Iman, 31, a software engineer based in London.
During her dating experiences, Iman has been asked if she is a virgin, whether she cooks and cleans, how much she earns, and whether she would be a good homemaker. She feels she has been evaluated to see whether is “too much hard work”.
“On the apps, it starts on the profile where you see that maybe a guy is short, or his job does not work for me,” she says about her own assessment criteria. “I think they are probably doing the same, but to a lesser extent because we know women have more opportunities to choose compared with men.”
The Pew report says: “There are substantial gender differences in the amount of attention online daters say they received on dating sites or apps.
“Men who have online dated in the past five years are far more likely than women to feel as if they did not get enough messages (57 per cent against 24 per cent) … women who have online dated in this time period are five times as likely as men to think they were sent too many messages (30 per cent compared with 6 per cent ).”
There are several options for Muslims including Muzz and Salams for mobile or SingleMuslim.com online. Social events including Muslim-only quizzes, games nights, running clubs, hiking groups, and book clubs have also become a hotbed for romantic potential.
Musly, a private members’ club that operates on an application-only basis, holds live networking events where people can potentially meet their other half.
“There are several reasons why we chose to focus only on Muslims,” says Ifrah Khan, who founded Musly. “First, there are two billion of them in the world so it’s a huge market and the other reason is that 90 per cent of Muslims want to marry only within their own culture.”
Ms Khan says Muslim professionals in cities struggle to find people of the “same calibre” as them, based on nationalities, level of religiosity and personal and career goals.
“The challenges are huge right now,” she says. While more than 60 per cent of Muslims globally are under the age of 30, she has seen statistics which suggest that British Muslims are twice as likely to be single past the age of 30 compared with the general population.
Differing education levels may also have had an impact with a study by Bristol University finding that Muslim women outperform Muslim men academically, a reversal of previous trends.
The demand for Musly has been huge according to Ms Khan, with 700 members signed up to the network worldwide. She believes the dating apps are dying as people search for more organic in-person experiences. Musly holds several “bespoke” networking events, including speed-dating options for those looking to use their membership outside of their career.
“We’re all connected with our phones and we don’t always allow ourselves to meet people naturally, whether that’s going to dinner where you might not meet someone [to date] but maybe you’ll meet someone’s friend and have a friend from that dinner,” she says.
Seema, 35, a coach who works with single Muslims and is also on the market for dating herself, agrees that mindset shifts are needed across the board.
“I hear a lot of impatience from a lot of people,” she says. “But I do think it’s the approach that you take towards it. I meet lots of people from the apps and my approach to dating is very much as an education. It’s a lot of learning about others and learning about the self.
“I recommend my clients to approach it in that way too, rather than thinking, ‘I am definitely going to find the love of my life in the next person’.”
This includes expanding expectations and staying open-minded to people who may not tick all the boxes. She believes people need to stop thinking that meeting on the apps “reduces the magic of love”. There is too much “self-judgment”, she says, among men and women where rejection can come to feel deeply personal.
“We have to understand that a lot of people have social anxiety about the way we date now,” Seema explains as more and more people meet virtually and in unconventional formats.
She adds that growing up in a conservative culture, many Muslims may not feel comfortable engaging with the opposite sex for dating.
“Our mums’ generation made sure that we focused on our studies,” Iman says. “We lacked some of the skills to act with the opposite gender. We were told not to entertain any romantic relationships with men. The whole time, my mum repeatedly told me, ‘Focus on your studies. Do not trust guys. They will play you.’
“The messaging has left a lasting impact. So that built up a sort of image that guys are the enemy in a way. I cannot trust them easily. It will take me time. On the other hand, what I noticed in dating is they [men] expect you to trust them quite quickly.”
Seema believes that small changes such as open body language can go a long way in such circumstances. “It could be as simple as lifting your head up from your phone, pulling your shoulders back, having your chin up and looking around the room,” she advises.
“If you’re in a public space or if you’re going on a date, that simple act of openness will physically change you but it also helps your brain open up in a way as well.”
Iman is positive that she will find her happy ending: “I know what gives me hope — it’s my religion. Knowing that if something is meant to be for me, it will eventually be. And what is best will always find its way to you.”
